In the future we'll all be gay
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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