The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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