Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
