so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
God, I missed his penis.
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