did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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