No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
