life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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