Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
