John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
