don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
