Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
