At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
nutella sex= disaster
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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