He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
