Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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