just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
