worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize