could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
