Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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