remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
