i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
