the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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