it was like his penis was on wheels.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
