For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
