Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
