I think I am morally bankrupt
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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