Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize