do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize