the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
