just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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