I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
two words: eviction party
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
