I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
