strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
