vagina is talking i cant
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
