Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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