youre lurking in front of me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
