We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
