oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How does one acquire holy water?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
