Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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