i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
