If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
