WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
