seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize