It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
