when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
