You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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