So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
