Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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