theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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