I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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