I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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