First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
