Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
