he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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