Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
