I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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