I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
