ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
