Please, let me fuck your mom
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
