u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
