I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
