I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
