Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
