you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
