I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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