when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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