Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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