Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize