I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
