then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
