remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
