I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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