I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
