she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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