when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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